Sunday, June 7, 2009

Til I rot.

No more Cerberus. What normal person would want to call that name up the stairs when it's dinnertime? Not that I ever will because "Cerberus" is a camera, but I changed the name [three times, but we'll just talk about the official result]. Something vaguely cute: Clayton! Could you ever say no to that?! Though I actually do not like the name, it fits with my babeh. My name preferences are kind of cray cray.

It hasn't even been a week into summer vacation and I'm already bored out of my pants. I like it because I haven't slept this much since spring break, but I want to go do horrible teen-aged things with my bad influencing friends. I know I sound stupid (but after my last post, who really cares?), but I feel like living. I've always been so good, and that's no longer fun when you're sitting at home thinking about all the irresponsible things you could've done but didn't and the saddest part is the only reason I've stayed so untainted is because of the shit my mother would say if she ever found out. I never wanted to disappoint her, and that still holds true to this day. I'm all about living up to everyone else's expectations.

I realized this today when my mother told me she was proud of me. I don't hear those words often, and I really don't mind. I love my mom and she loves me, but I just don't think she'll ever be anything more than just my mom. I make her happy and she doesn't worry about me; I don't want to worry her with my petty problems because I know she's the main supporter for the family/Wonder Woman.

Can you say, 'off topic'? Gah.

But yeah, just a revelation, I guess. Nothin' too major. The entire paragraph about madre sounds pretty heartless, I know. It all has the same blunt tone when it's formed into words. :\

But anyway! Next week the niece [Kaitlyn, 6-7 years old] and nephew [Dylan, 2-3 years old] are coming over for a night. Dana will, of course, be in her room for the entire time spent with the kiddies so I'll take diaper duty. (Sob)



Listening pleasure: Fingertips to keyboard. Melodious, yes?
Crushing on: Seth Clearwater foreva<3 style="font-style: italic;">Thirteen Reasons Why
by Jay Asher

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